I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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