is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
