Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
