I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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