maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
