Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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