I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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