The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
