wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
