alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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