We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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