Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
