The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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