my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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