Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
