I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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