Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
