he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
