Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
