New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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