you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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