The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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