if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
