we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize