Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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