vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
