He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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