I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
