Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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