I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
