Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
