Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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