The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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