just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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