Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
