you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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