My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was confusing and full of hummus
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
