what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
