We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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