I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Two words: nipple clamps
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