Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
