I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
