She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
