I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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