You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
