got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
