Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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