i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
