We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
