respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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