Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
