mondays should just be called national damage control day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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