Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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